高中的回忆

晚上写paper间隙，闲逛校内，从新联络上的常睿开始，一路看去，看了几篇周炎的高中回忆录，可能是最近本身比较情绪化吧，不知不觉就哭了。在朋友眼中原来那么惊心动魄的场景，想起我当时的印象就是大家在玩闹，基本上是找乐子的心态，很多场景我都认为是在开玩笑，虽然觉得玩笑有时候奇怪了点。我对自己高中心态的回忆就是开心加恐惧。开心的事每天都在学自己喜欢的东西，从文从理；恐惧的是我丧失了对周围环境的把握性，我开始对自己的价值观怀疑，有一段时间，感觉有莫名的委屈每天只想哭。妈妈说她那时感觉我总在观察什么，但不知道我在困惑什么。后来跟周炎的聊天中他提起135的经历让他丢掉37中给他的很多很宝贵的东西，我若有所悟。Cornell的AEP是持续多年全美第一的，尤其是本科，研究生要逊色许多了，在这边的近一年跟一些AEP的本科生接触，最大的感觉就像是回到了高中时代，于是不惜时间的跟xiaoqian还有yanghao尽量多的hangout, 看到他俩，就像是看到了自己。

I am a nice person but I am also an extremely spoiled person, so are xiaoqian . That is probably the effect of Asian education. I do not face the difficulty and unpleasant things both physically adn psycologically directly and I just believe that everything should go harmonically. If not, I may just pretend to be blind or run away, for academica, for relationships. And that is something I blame myself a lot in heart as irresponsibility. or I can explain it as that I am not strong enough to fulfil my life theory.  So be strong and gain the strength, I will find myself back.

To all 135er,  wish we have diligent working day, be  the decent working people, and no matter whatever we may end up with, we will worth to be memorized at least by each of our friend.

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